A man I know made a comment to a woman recently about her being an expensive date. They are in a long term relationship and have accompanied each other to dinner a hundred times. They both pay, no one owes the other anything and as far as I know, who pays has never been an issue. The comment was well meaning, more of sentiment to her classy taste and extensive palate than an accusation of her being a gold digger or anything like that.
Anyways, I was scrolling through Facebook and came across a post by her regarding his comment. The post accused him of insulting her and that she hopes little boys don’t grow up disrespecting women in such a way. She portrayed him an asshole in front of their friends and families. Then followed up with a paragraph about how amazing she is and doesn’t depend on anyone.
She is amazing and has fully supported herself and her son by herself for years. As far as I know from social media he’s never really contributed. I’m sure he has in the decade they’ve been together but it’s never mentioned, so who knows.
The thing is, I know I’m know I’m a guy and not allowed to be upset about anything but fuck it. Stupid is as stupid does right. Men are portrayed as shit heads on social media by their significant others more than all the stupid sitcoms that count men off as bumbling primates. Not to mention every Rom-Com, Christmas movie or chick flick. It doesn’t matter what the truth is, Facebook validation… I mean likes and ratings are more valuable to most women and society, than a man’s honor or respect. Realistically even more than his reputation or worth. This might come off as a rant but there’s a point to it. The point is ridiculous at best because men are so arrogant and narcissistic that any portrayal of them being level headed, compassionate or sensitive to the needs of others is just pure fiction. Maybe, maybe not… That is, if you can be objective to the situation.
Being the annoying, toxic, chauvinistic loser that I am… I have a few questions.
-If a man ruined a woman’s day and blamed his testosterone, would she be expected to just let it go, then kiss his ass until he feels better?
-If a woman says she had a hard day, is it ok if he turns it into a competition and explains how his day was harder?
-If a man ignores or degrades a woman, can he blame mercury’s alignment with some random fucking moon?
-If a man said, “I’m independent and do it on my own.” Wouldn’t she say, “Well, your supposed too…”
-If a man said, “I’m independent and do it on my own,” even though she contributes to half the household expenses would she let that slide? What if he said that in front of everyone she knows?
-If a woman posts a meme in a joking manner portraying men as assholes or morons are men allowed to be offended?
-If a man is exhausted and needs space or unsolicited affection is it given freely or is he accused of being needy or distant?
-If a man loses his cool because he’s stressed out, does she wind up apologizing to him, for his lack of emotional control?
-If a man ever shit-talked his wife on social media would his friends reply, “You’re so amazing and deserve so much more.” Or would they privately message him with, chill bro?
-If a woman hits a man, does it even count?
-If a woman says all men are, stupid, idiots or dogs… is it sexist?
-If a man cannot control his spending and comfort shops, is it cute or pathetic?
-Do women do anything romantic for men?
-Do women do anything special for men that is not a social media photo OP?
-Do women ever sincerely compliment men just to make them feel good?
-Who brings more baggage to relationships?
-Who brings more laughter and passion to relationships?
-If a dad says anything about how the son should act does the mom become defensive, because she is better suited to teach him how to be a man?
-Are men just retarded women?
-Are boys just broken girls?
-Is he expected to man up at all times but if he says man up he’s toxic?
-Can he blame any current relationship mistakes on the abuse or neglect of a past woman?
-Does he say he’s fine because she would blow him off if he told her the truth and make him feel worse?
-If he tries to hold her or kiss her does she shoo him away like a fly then give him shit when he acts distant?
-Is her job harder than his because hers is full of drama and he never brings his up?
-Is every word that leaves his mouth filtered through her past hurts and inspected for similarities?
-Does she have to walk on eggshells to be considered respectful of him?
-Are his past abuses and mistakes considered before any words leave her mouth?
-If he made her miss the first half of every special occasion for years would it be acceptable?
-If he talked about nothing but his problems for 6 straight weeks would she still be with him?
-If he talks about his problems at all does she lose attraction for him?
-If he yells at the kids out of frustration is he abusive?
-If she yells at the kids out of frustration is she overwhelmed?
-If a woman wrote this same list about men would she be nodding her head in agreement or thinking that’s not fair….
It’s not fair but it’s a reality to men. Turning the cheek to a smack, giving everything and it never being enough, forsaking their own sanity to navigate the tumultuous, undisciplined, emotional state of someone else. Young men are watching this and they didn’t notice the “expensive date” comment he made. They do notice the frustration and defeat in Dads eyes though. They do notice his head bowed as he leaves the bedroom after being reprimanded for Mom having a hard day at work. They do notice men being verbally abused by women and taking it. Boys see every example above and either follow suit or rebel. Boys grow up to be men, whether they become husbands is a choice they will make.
And their choosing not to…
Over 40 percent of young men are choosing to remain single these days. But it’s just cause men can’t handle responsibility right? Or maybe because were incompetent idiots. It’s probably that… I mean, we could never be as amazing and strong as women. Women never get a pass on anything right? Abuse, instigating, disrespect, immaturity… Nah.
In order for a man to be considered a man, by other men, he must demonstrate two specific traits. Accountability and respect for others. Don’t worry, we’ll keep our barbaric, knuckle dragging ways in the man cave. Ya’ll can have Facebook.
Cover photo – Photo by Jhefferson Santos from Pexels